My Musings
Email me if you wish. Thursday, May 19, 2005[Do you ever look through your "blog" folder and find weird things you don't ever remember having written? And then post them in your blog anyway, even though they were written a year ago and no longer bear any relevance? Me too.]The Toilet Paper Here at Case, there is a “publication” called The Toilet Paper. Basically, the Toilet Paper is a page-long, humorous, fake-newspaper thing that a handful of kids print out periodically and then tape to the inside of toilet stalls. Last night I was alone in the bathroom, getting ready to brush my teeth. Well, not quite alone — the door to one of the stalls was closed, with somebody (I assumed) inside. You can fill in the rest. I was squeezing toothpaste onto my brush when the stall door opened and Kevin emerged, saying, “That was crappy.” “What?” I asked, struck by the irony of somebody using the adjective “crappy” after exiting a toilet. “Back there,” Kevin replied. I looked. He was pointing to the stall from which he had just arrived. Now I got scared. My eyebrows involuntarily shot up in alarm as I desperately tried to figure out what on Earth Kevin, who had but seconds ago finished using a toilet, could possibly have experienced in recent memory that might be described as “crappy,” other than an unpleasant bowel movement. Was he really going to tell me about it? I wanted to run, but the grip of shock and a toothbrush in my mouth held me firmly in place. “That…Toilet Paper…thingy. It sucked,” Kevin replied. Relieved that Kevin was not going to tell me about his defecation disasters, I made some comment about how it’s hard to be consistently funny, which Kevin didn’t understand at all because I had toothpaste in my mouth. So I repeated myself, except I don’t think Kevin understood it the second time, either, and then he turned on the noisy hand dryer to discourage me from further speech. Then he left. .: posted by Boris 6:48 PMMonday, May 16, 2005InsteadI have decided not to finish the Israel story, because it's not all that exciting, and because almost a year has passed since the actual trip and I've forgotten nearly everything. I now possess great admiration for people who go places and then write about it, because I can never seem to get it done. As far as this blog goes: NO MORE WRITING ABOUT VACATIONS! Instead I offer some quotes from the professors I had this semester. Systems Programming: -- "What's the format of the test?" "Well, we're gonna have some problems." -- "We assume if it works on the test data, it works on everything." Milton: -- "In the middle of an orgasm, nobody's talking in iambic pentameter." -- "Today, you can all go to hell." -- "I've gotta stop giggling. It's the drugs." AI: -- "By the way, the use of global variables is highly encouraged to ease programming." [Sorry, there were more, but I accidentally threw away my AI notes :(] Econ: -- "Now, potentially I would have had more fun doing my homework than watching Queen Latifah do anything." -- "I ... AM the pretzel king." -- "This is like, you never thought you'd need it, but a twelve-foot ruler would be really handy right about now." -- "There's nothing I like more than staying up three nights in a row and then going on a long, boring drive through the country." -- "Nobody steals '88 [Chevy] Novas. Because of their superior anti-theft mechanisms, obviously." English Lit: -- "I've done three co-ghost-written stories about very interesting Tibetans." -- "It was the most explicit sexual description I have ever read. And I have read a lot of them." -- "Who doesn't love necrophilia?" -- "In fact, you may be bullshitting me, but it's okay." -- "Can you imagine being in such a state of sexual arousal that a well-turned table leg would turn you on?" And the best one of them all: "If you got a great Dane, would you name him Hamlet?" .: posted by Boris 9:29 PM |
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