My Musings
Email me if you wish. Sunday, January 02, 2005Online Wisdom: Part the SixthIt’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, so I figured I’d better repeat the stuff I know I probably said in previous introductions. I keep a text file on my desktop into which I paste stupid things people say to me online. When the file gets big, I dump it into a blog entry and add some lame comments. For your convenience, I edit out most of the typos and irrelevant bits; however, I promise not to do anything obnoxious. For instance, I would never replace fly197: i am everyone in my family's bitch with fly197: I am a heinous bitch even though the change would make the statement considerably more accurate. With that: enjoy! *** slila22: survival of the grossest slila22: ugly fish have survived because they're ugly enough to blend into rocks ChessMen15: I know, but it doesn't seem fair ChessMen15: I'd like for the prettiest things to survive slila22: bor, we'd both be dead. fly197: I am everyone in my family's bitch yb25: I think you are too cynical yb25: it’s probably bad for your health (Meet Jim, my charming and social suitemate) jameshengenius: again, I cant really talk. I just got back from the bookstore with a text on Babylonian mythology. (Here is how everyone wished me a happy birthday) cBearFunk: lets go with jeffs idea for a euchre club this week at your house fronomo530: well, looks like we're having a birthday Euchre Club at your house this week, woo! jameshengenius: Eh, happy birthday? ragingraptorm2: happy birthday rmartyshaw: happy bday S10penguin: really?? S10penguin: happy birthday! slila22: happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear boris, happy birthday to you. happy 19th! ThanatosK: Happy Birthday Boris!!! Thumper 00056: you're old Thumper 00056: no wait, that's me yb25: Happy Birthday Boris! (No two people’s wishes were the same! Yana’s and Billy’s differed by a mere two exclamation marks, though.) slila22: I don't think pissing people off is hilarious slila22: I think you having a sex drive is hilarious fly197: I haven't been in Linux these past few days fly197: finally returned to it fly197: (we missed each other) (Marina’s unhealthy obsession with her computer makes me feel much better about mine) (Wish I knew the context…) fronomo530: oh well, hey, you wanna go out and have gay sex? slila22: anyway bor. slila22: shut the fuck up! ChessMen15: ah, I was waiting for that slila22: why???!?!!! slila22: why didn't you just do it! slila22: goddamnit! fly197: I suck at life (Truest thing Marina ever said.) ChessMen15: crap, however, is bad fly197: it is not! fly197: it is wonderful (Life advice from Lila) slila22 (1:18:12 PM): don't have kids slila22 (1:18:13 PM): ever (Lila telling me what my wife will be like) slila22 (1:21:47 PM): no, she'd have to be crazy to marry you, not stupid. She'd be stupid to bear your children ChessMen15: it doesn't quite work slila22: that's upsetting ChessMen15: well, unless you physically beat me slila22: I could do that ChessMen15: I would ask that you didn't slila22: damnit ChessMen15: a little violent, are we? slila22: kidding ChessMen15: dang ChessMen15: I keep missing it when you joke slila22: hm, good bor ChessMen15: I blame it on the fact that sarcasm doesn't carry well over IM slila22: I blame it on your idiocy ChessMen15: you enjoy hurting my feelings fly197: true. (This will never, ever happen again) fly197: yeah, I see fly197: you're right jameshengenius: or we could go canoeing! jameshengenius: which I've have a strange hankering for recently […] jameshengenius: I always liked using my oars to dump nearby canoes into the water and watching the screaming passengers be swept downstream. (So I guess that explains the hankering) fly197: you make Lila sound like she only ever says hateful things to you. (Which is different from the truth how?) ChessMen15: not a brilliant comment fly197: exactly fly197: well, its you fly197: is brilliance possible, never mind expected? slila22: who? slila22: me and Marina? ChessMen15: yeah slila22: since when do we count as people? (Excellent Rebuttal Tactics 101, by Professor Schwartz) slila22: whateverever loserface TheaVoluptas: brb ChessMen15: k TheaVoluptas: back ChessMen15: welcome back, mate TheaVoluptas: I'm not your mate, and if I am I must be a very unsuccessful one since we don't have any children. (Way to kill my Australian mood, loserface) ChessMen15: besides, Marina's not SO terrible slila22: m... slila22: debatable (Truest thing Lila ever said.) TheaVoluptas: Yo, Boristina, what up? TheaVoluptas: :-) TheaVoluptas: lol, forgive me TheaVoluptas: Couldn't resist TheaVoluptas: I swear (I was there. I was just coldly, coldly ignoring her.) (Valuable clarifications) BadHair17: anyways, I'm off to pee and then eat BadHair17: but not eat my pee IHateAIM410: hi this is kate,, daves sister! IHateAIM410: dave said i could leave you a message IHateAIM410: i'm cooler than he is IHateAIM410: bye (Your syntax sure is a lot worse, though) Thumper 00056: 2+2=4 unless it doesn't fly197: you have threesomes with me and Lila all the time fly197: its never been that exciting (Julie is bipolar) snobuny4ever: HAHA you started school already!!! snobuny4ever: MUAHAHA snobuny4ever: I’m sad I missed you. TheaVoluptas: I'm bored. TheaVoluptas: Come and play with me. TheaVoluptas: I'm having an acne breakout like nobody's business. Luckily they can't really be seen yet. TheaVoluptas: It's funny that acme is so similar to acne (The things she says when I’m not around…) Auto response from BadHair17: Fuck you all!! Oh wait... I mean my computer... fuck my computer... ah what the hell, fuck y'all too ChessMen15: so, what's on your mind? TheaVoluptas: Boys boys boys TheaVoluptas: What else? :-) (Kids, this is what you SHOULDN’T be doing in college) Auto response from bthop23: lots of hw, work, and responsibilities........nothing a few minutes with my good friend Jack Daniels won't cure ChessMen15: how are things with you? fly197: alright fly197: programming fly197: Friday night activity of Marina Mandy: Good. And you should mention, "Unless truly forced to, I will never write about another Mandy that is not my dear wonderful friend Mandy Kessler. Because next to her, all other Mandys pale." Mandy: Something along those lines. :-D ChessMen15: um... ChessMen15: a wee bit harsh, wouldn't you say? Mandy: Oh no, I mean, certainly it doesn't praise me as much as I should be praised, but it doesn't really make me sound bad or anything. :-P Mandy: O:-) (Ego problem?) yb25: but yeah I think I liked it more when your away message was up because then I did not AIM you, and waste away my life online (Talking to me a is a waste of life? Thanks.) (stolen from Marina’s away message) Lila: it'll all work out. I know. I just don't have enough lube yet. Lila: I'll purchase some tomorrow. Mandy: Ahhh!!! A booger just fell out of my nose!!!!!!!!! Mandy: My eye is twitching (stolen from Marina’s away message; only CS majors will understand the hilarity) (22:26:13) joe: well (22:26:15) joe: it does terminate (22:26:20) joe: but only after the stack overflows Auto response from Lila: fuck it dude, let's go bowling. (You are about to witness the proudest moment of Ben’s life) ChessMen15: and seeing Dodgeball again was reasonably entertaining, although the best part of that movie by far is the fact that Kevin was "inspired" to play foursquare Ben H: ha ChessMen15: after watching it, he made Jim get his parents to by a playground ball ChessMen15: and we actually went outside and played foursquare a couple of times ChessMen15: it was fun, although you have to let your dignity fall a few notches Ben H: ok holdon ChessMen15: okay Ben H: I have to savor this moment because it will never happen again................. Ben H: “buy”...............not “by”..........in context from the sentence above Dan: giant red sore on your lip? Dan: ew... Dan: herpes! Dan: ;-) (Politically-minded people’s away messages scare me) Auto response from Ben H: I Hate Ralph Nadar and I want to kill him just to watch him die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fly197: * Siren changes topic to 'Is it considered oral sex if my pc goes down on me???' S10penguin: do you have a car up there? ChessMen15: alas, no ChessMen15: too lazy to figure out how to get a permit ChessMen15: also, I didn't want all my suitemates constantly bugging me for rides -- none of them have a car S10penguin: ah okay, lol, but that might be fun, you guys could go out on the town on the weekends (not that you guys don't do that already) (Ouch. The bitter, scathing sarcasm has gone highly unappreciated.) TheaVoluptas: brb, in desperate need of deodorant ChessMen15: you stare at the keyboard when you type, though, don't you? ChessMen15: that's gotta be annoying TheaVoluptas: lol, I don't always need to. TheaVoluptas: There, I didn't look at that. TheaVoluptas: Or htat. TheaVoluptas: :-P TheaVoluptas: Or that. TheaVoluptas: Here, I wont look at the keyboard for the rest of the time. ChessMen15: ouch! I am smacked down TheaVoluptas: No lookey. TheaVoluptas: No lookey. ChessMen15: amazing ChessMen15: truly, I am awed TheaVoluptas: Oh be friggin quiet. :-P fly197: algorithm, n.: Trendy dance for hip programmers. (Goodness, this entry seems to be riddled with dumb CS jokes.) TheaVoluptas: How many people do you think just sit around their room naked? (Well, one for sure…) (From Mandy’s profile) "Now Mandy, do I need to rewind this DVD before I can play it again?" -Mrs. Yoder "Okay, time to take notes." "But there's a paperclip on my desk!!"-Gabrielle bthop23: in place of future conversations on the merits or either political party let us just watch the news every night and the legislation that passes in both houses of Congress and let us just sit back and watch as our once great and promising nation goes from quintessential, successful democracy to Neo-Theocracy in which religious law and denominational prejudices rule bthop23: In short, our country is going to shit and we're all going to die (Damn pessimistic liberals) Auto response from slila22: shower time. It's like hammer time, but without pants. Auto response from AdamHorton1: OMFG... that was too close. I had a freaking heart attack... They almost voted Ami off Survivor tonight... she got 4 votes!!! They better not scare me like that again. Homework. Leave me a message. (Oh, how Adam has fallen since college began) Auto response from TheaVoluptas: Man, wearing only one sock feels weird. And when wearing only one sock feels weird, we all know that means that it's time for bed. (Logic has never been Mandy’s strong suit) fly197 (3:38:05 PM): write me a fucking email fly197 (3:38:07 PM): you worthless piece of shit (Can you believe I wrote that wench a letter after this shameless display of rude language?) Auto response from slila22: my dad went to a Bob Dylan concert last night. I made an excel chart of Latin vocab. My dad's cooler than I am. (So true.) Auto response from TheaVoluptas: Sitting on chap stick all day kind of makes your butt hurt. ChessMen15: so how's life? slila22: tough slila22: I should get a helmet Auto response from ChessMen15: Being a worthless slab of rotting flesh. fly197: oooh worthless rotting flesh. fly197: sexy (Why girls are evil, terrible people) fly197: I need to get on that! I haven't yet explored all the excellent uses of boyfriend that there are Energetic56: kangaroos have pockets (It’s good to know your friends are always there when you need them most) ChessMen15: Mandy, I have a question for you TheaVoluptas signed off at 12:22:19 AM. ChessMen15: how long do I have to think about it? fly197: 0 days fly197: its ok, girls are worthless ChessMen15: girls are worthless...guys are worthless...what's that leave? ChessMen15: sheep? fly197: jill. ChessMen15: jill...? fly197: look at your right hand, palm down ChessMen15: bye Marina fly197: f u! (Evidently she did not enjoy the conversation quite as much as I did) Auto response from slila22: "it's called the genetic lottery, and you lost." ~my dad (It’s okay, Lila. I think we all lost.) Auto response from slila22: WASTE OF CARBON. ChessMen15: that's an angry-sounding away message there slila22: only slightly and only because I promised myself I wouldn't go on line for the next week about oh, 8 hours ago Thumper 00056: why do you hate yourself for being on facebook? is it because everybody who's on there is obsessed with showing off how many pretend friends they have? is it because they're all shallow and annoying? is it because cats always land on their feet? (Mmm…yes.) ChessMen15: evening, Marina fly197: shut up ChessMen15: doesn't it kind of bother you, though? ChessMen15: that you're driven not by a passion for learning, but by cold greed? AdamHorton1: yeah AdamHorton1: it eats me up from inside AdamHorton1: but oh well (Classic away message, compliments of Ashley) Auto response from Energetic56: Row, row, row your boat Gently down the stream... Haha! Fooled you! I'm a submarine! ChessMen15: could you attach the story to your next email? ChessMen15: that way, I can put my name on it and publish it yb25: sure (Look before you type!) yb25: you’re too innocent ChessMen15: just in that one respect yb25: oh yeah I forgot how worldly and experienced you are in other areas of life (THANK YOU for the sarcasm, everyone. You can stop it now.) BookFishy: My shirt smells like someone else. :- ChessMen15: you're a bad person ChessMen15: :-) BookFishy: lol BookFishy: Yes, but a horny bad person. slila22: a sandwich, bowl of cereal, and clementines is healthy ChessMen15: that is not a serious dinner slila22: it's just disorganized ChessMen15: that's like a light brunch slila22: it's a lot of food. I'm going to kill you. I don't even know what I'm doing for dinner. Just stop being annoying. slila22: it's my job ChessMen15: being annoying? slila22: yes (I think she was crying. What do you think?) BookFishy: Anne says you're allowed to lust after her (Thanks, I think I’ll pass.) BookFishy: (I just now realized that I'm sitting on a wet towel. What a dolt I am) How are they? (Probably not very comfortable?) NerdamI2k: and he's got an entire box full of DnD, WH40k books under his bed NerdamI2k: I've never felt so out nerded (With this perceptive insight, Yana joins Lila in the ranks of Online Wisdom gurus) yb25: I'm not extravagant with money but I would rather have one nice thing than like 100 crappy things yb25: my mother calls it smart yb25: I don't know if it so yb25: because I think “smart” would be like one crappy thing yb25: ok I see what you’re saying yb25: but I don't care (I seem to get this sort of thing a lot) yb25: I am starting to think about why I suffer yb25: but I don't really suffer yb25: I just need to get back to the ghetto to get my act together (You must understand the irony of this coming from a chemical engineering major at Johns Hopkins) And now, to finish off this bi-annual installment, we end with a couple quintessential quotes quite atrociously ripped out of context: Mandy: I got it off, don't worry. Mmm, it was yummy. ChessMen15: if I do it now, it'll be quite short Mandy: Oh well, I want it now! *** Thanks for reading, and see you in a couple of months! .: posted by Boris 6:45 PM
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