My Musings
Email me if you wish. Tuesday, May 13, 2003Online Wisdom: Part 3An interesting thing happened just now. Mandy and I had a pretty funny exchange online—worthy enough of odd3.txt, I thought—so I cheerfully opened up my text file and tried to copy the relevant bit of the conversation into it. Imagine how shocked I was when, instead of pasting the clip into the text file like a good little boy, my computer instead bluntly told me, “Not enough memory available to complete this operation. Quit one or more applications to increase available memory, and then try again.” Very strange. Well, my computer is quite old, and it has been ravaged by many viruses in its time, so I forgive it for its little quirks. Dutifully I began closing programs and windows in an attempt to increase my available memory. But nothing seemed to work! I knew that rebooting usually fixes these sorts of things, but I didn’t feel like doing that, and I found it odd that it would take so much memory just to paste something into a flipping text file. I then tried to paste the same bit into Word, and was astonished to discover that it pasted fine. Puzzled, I began typing random stuff into the text file, and lo and behold—the same error message popped up. It seems, folks, that I have actually maxed out odd3.txt! Stupid Notepad has some sort of a retarded content limit and I can’t put anything more into it. Normally I only make these “Online Wisdom” installments when I’m good and ready (read: when I’m totally out of ideas for a real blog entry), but this time it seems the decision has been made for me. In fact it’s kind of annoying because I have another (I think) good entry in the works, but instead I have to make this one first. Argh. And now, a quick review of how things work. If you see an ellipsis enclosed by parentheses, such as this one (…), it means I cut out stuff that isn’t relevant to the joke at hand, or that I blatantly twisted a person’s words out of context. An ellipsis enclosed by brackets, such as this baby right here […], means that I cut out whole lines. I use these markings because I want things to be accurate so that nobody’ll sue me or anything. Otherwise, everything is presented exactly the way it was originally typed online, with the (often very notable) exception that I have taken it upon myself to correct a lot of the typos that appeared in the original comments. Conversely, if you see a whole buttload of typos and other grammatical errors in something that someone said, it means that the IM was actually typed that way, and I just left the typos in it to make fun of the person. Oh, and one last thing—since I waited way too long to make this entry, the entry itself is way too long. 18 pages, as a matter of fact. If you try to read it all at once, you’ll probably get horribly sick of it somewhere in the middle and then puke up your last four meals, which would be bad. My suggestion would be to read it a little bit at a time or, better yet, not to read it at all, because…wait. No, I want you read it!! I do! Really! Just don’t try to read it all at once, is all I’m saying. And as usual, my comments appear in parentheses directly above or below the entry they comment upon, with spaces denoting breaks between entries. Enjoy! (hooray for not watching what the other person is saying) Chessmen15: how's it going? Buffy4386: How's it going? (if you never knew me as a little kid, all the better) Boris says: I wrote something in your sixth grade yearbook? Cherie says: Yup. Boris says: wow! Boris says: what'd I say? Boris says: I honestly can't remember doing such a thing Cherie says: "Did I bug you this year? Good." (conversations like this, as always, sadden me) icetune02: hey Boris Chessmen15: hiya Chessmen15: night Steven icetune02: night Boris icetune02 signed off at 11:54:16 PM. (I feel so fortunate to have good friends like Dan, who I know will stick up for me when my dignity is under attack) DanTheMan1010101: marina called you a chickenshit :-) DanTheMan1010101: that's like the COOLEST thing ever (Mandy shows off her incredible typing skills) Buffy4386: Ah, godness. Buffy4386: godness* Buffy4386: goodness* Buffy4386: ! DanTheMan1010101: g'night dude monkey Auto response from bassgirl237: taking a shower and reading sylvia plath call me and we can snort coke and murder homeless people 237-7086 (I don’t talk to her anymore) (You know how sometimes the other person makes a typo but you can still figure out what they said? Well, I have NO clue what this is. If you can decipher it, I would be much obliged if you could tell me what Dan is trying to so eloquently say here) DanTheMan1010101: dohe WHAT kinda of thing? (interesting) SirGalidrad says: ah shoot SirGalidrad says: I guess I missed you SirGalidrad says: hee hee hee buttons SirGalidrad says: Boris?!?!?!? SirGalidrad says: Darn SirGalidrad says: I'll check back in a while SirGalidrad says: or I'll talk to myself SirGalidrad says: Hi self! SirGalidrad says: Self, hey what’s up man? SirGalidrad says: how’s it going? SirGalidrad says: Good, you? SirGalidrad says: Oh I'm ok SirGalidrad says: What’s happening? SirGalidrad says: I'm just talking to myself. SirGalidrad says: What?! Me too!! bassgirl237: she is a slut but not like an all out slut (it shames me to confess that the fine difference between the two is totally lost on me) (oh, here we go with the name thing again…) Buffy4386: Borealis! sushi1323: I had the weirdest dream last night... George W. made a law that forced us to buy Campbell’s soup....YUCK! (well, just because you have to buy it doesn’t mean you have to eat it, does it?! Only stupid people would do that. Oh, wait...) (lazy!!) Chessmen15: good morning! bassgirl237: same (what an unfortunate typo) sushi1323: I was lost for a sex (and she keeps ‘em coming) sushi1323: what was tit then Auto response from thatoneguy2287: I'm not here, but you can try anyways. (okay, this isn’t funny, but it’s something that has been bugging me ever since Kenny started using that away message. What I wanna know is: try WHAT? Try to talk to you? Try to leave you a message? Try to launch a warthog to the moon with nothing but a wooden stick and a rubber band? Kenny, please be more clear!!) Auto response from Chessmen15: I will seriously be right back! Snobuny4ever: no you wont....ur playing civ3 (it’s a sad world when people no longer trust each other’s away messages) (ever get really pissed online and try to vent your emotions through type? It just doesn’t work the same as when you do it in person) snobuny4ever: are u serious?! Chessmen15: yep snobuny4ever: I only went to the second floor snobuny4ever: SHIT snobuny4ever: I shoulda snobuny4ever: FUCK Auto response from Chessmen15: Oil change...exciting times. nerdami2k: your comp runs on oil? (no, but my car does…) sushi1323: Ya know it's always easier to change it yourself... but the disposal is annoying... well... I hope it doesn't cost too much! Auto response from Chessmen15: Oil change...exciting times. (you can tell who the people are that really need to find a hobby or something—they’re the ones who comment on your away message when it says that you’re out getting an oil change) (I hate it when people laugh at their own dumb jokes) sushi1323: i like homeless people tho sushi1323: lol sushi1323: they always let u into their homes sushi1323: lol Chessmen15: thanks, Sasha Chessmen15: you're a pal sushi1323: "pal" ... hahahahahahahahaha that's the dog in arthur! sushi1323: lol Chessmen15: um Chessmen15: yeah bassgirl237: oh ur a poo (Roger…) nerdami2k: I like my women like I like my coffee. nerdami2k: in a plastic cup (tragedy strikes as Roger mires himself in yet another sticky situation) nerdami2k: well boris it seems I've addicted myself to minesweeper bassgirl237: ur just slightly retared (well, thank goodness for that—I was afraid it was full-blown, all-out retardation) nerdami2k: well boris I must, like the atom, split (by the way, if you guys want a surefire way of making it into one of these entries, just find a really dumb way of saying hello or goodbye and you’ll be in faster than a hungry monkey can eat a banana) zimface: oh Noris the Great! (can i call you noris?) (okay guys—the name is Boris. Boris. B-O-R-I-S. With a B) sushi1323: Good Morning Boris?! (sounds like she has a hangover) nerdami2k: evenin' b (see? What did I tell you? Abominably stupid greetings are the surefire ticket) Dontminchenit: here's what I want Dontminchenit: I want Boris of the present to engage Boris of the future in mortal combat Dontminchenit: I'll pay good money to see that DanTheMan1010101: now it's ChessMen...cute (it saddens me that Dan is the ONLY one who noticed! Thanks, Dan! I love you) (Attack of the Horribly Unfortunate Typos: Part Three) ChessMen15: how is your ensemble faring? DanTheMan1010101: it's farting bad Toxin1234: I got my acceptance to Penn state - university park engineering today Toxin1234: so that’s a decent fall back ChessMen15: cool Toxin1234: #16 in the country (yeesh. If you’re gonna brag, at least have the courage to be up-front about it) fro2point0: hey jimmy (yeah, he was talking to me, and yeah, my name is, just for the record, Boris) Snobuny4ever: really shouldn’t have dranken all that milk (…) (dranken…that ain’t no typo, that’s plumb bad grammar right there, folks) ChessMen15: yeah, we had "tryouts," too ChessMen15: "tryouts" ChessMen15: if you catch my drift fro2point0: I got it, I’m a bright boy ChessMen15: well, you can't seem to remember your friends' names, so I wasn't sure fro2point0: I was jus kidding about that bob ChessMen15: aw Snobuny4ever: dont aw (well, then!) ChessMen15: see ya, Herbert fro2point0: c ya bill (Jeff and I…we have this thing going) fro2point0: hey bob [away message] fro2point0: well, seeing that you’re not here, I guess I'll just have to have a conversation w/ myself fro2point0: how ya doin? fro2point0: I’m fine, how about yourself? fro2point0: I’m good fro2point0: so, how’s the family? fro2point0: they’re good, how’s yours? fro2point0: they’re fine fro2point0: good, I’m glad to hear that fro2point0: yep fro2point0: its a good deal fro2point0: "I’d like to, but I sat in some sap in the tree and I cant come down" (Jeff did this independently, without ever having seen the thing from SirGalidrad. Very frightening) (Jeff humor) fro2point0: I play cello, and I’m not that sick that id throw up all over my cello […] fro2point0: yep, all over my stand, but not my cello fro2point0: hey Jobe!! fro2point0: hey P-boris, I just wanted to say hi, so well, Hi. fro2point0: I mean hey F-boris fro2point0: hehe fro2point0: the men of chess fro2point0 signed off at 5:57:18 PM. fro2point0 signed on at 6:12:14 PM. fro2point0: so, jimmy, your blog is wwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy[etc] too long fro2point0: randi (are any of you particularly close to Jeff? Could you please tell his doctor to stop prescribing him that medicine, whatever it is?) bassgirl237: what language is kino ve kterém se budete vznáset bassgirl237: ? ChessMen15: beats me bassgirl237: grrrr bassgirl237: I have a shirt that says it and I don’t know what it means (sigh) nerdami2k: well Boris I better start moseying on out, whatever the hell that means Dontminchenit: what kind of music are you into? Dontminchenit: oh wait Dontminchenit: jazz Dontminchenit: nm (well, that conversation was easy—I didn’t even have to do anything) fro2point0: well, I need to say something stupid, I am over due fro2point0: Tom Ato fro2point0: don’t you just love that name ChessMen15: yeah fro2point0: get it? fro2point0: Tom Ato (ha…ha…ha) (this is what happens when people have too much free time) Auto response from thatoneguy2287: hahahahahahaha I warned myself to 35% Buffy4386: I'm sorry, a picture of you having mad crazy sex popped into my mind and I am seriously disturbed. ChessMen15: *sigh* ChessMen15: well, get it out of there, please Buffy4386: I can't!! Buffy4386: AHHH!!!!! (I had almost forgotten that this one was in there, and I wish I hadn’t remembered) (some things in this world, you can count on) Buffy4386: You're still a man, Boris, don't worry. (classic) ChessMen15: you can see a differenece ChessMen15: er, difference fro2point0: ha, you made a spelling mistake, hahahaha fro2point0: i cought you, haha ChessMen15: *caught fro2point0: darn Chrono Prizm: hey ChessMen15: hiya Chrono Prizm: wassup Chrono Prizm: I still got the cold Chrono Prizm: and it hurts really bad ChessMen15: aw Chrono Prizm signed off at 5:06:05 PM. (good old Eugene…he signed on just to tell me that) (this is the meanest, bitterest, vilest insult that I have ever received in my whole entire life, and I will never forgive Sasha for it until the day I die, and even in death I’ll probably continue to hold the grudge) sushi1323: What did you do today? ChessMen15: not much sushi1323: Really? I mean someone as popular as you has to have done something? (peek-a-boo!) NerdamI2k: Boris! ChessMen15: hello NerdamI2k signed off at 8:36:50 PM. NerdamI2k: chess club... NerdamI2k: can stuff itself (major inside joke! I don’t even know why I bother with these, but whatever, it’s fun. If you had a blog, you’d understand) redhedd 86: I was just wondering cause..I was did (exaaaactly) (spirit-lifting words of wisdom from Lila) slila22: anorexia=bad Cherie says: Guess what my Mom's watching? Boris says: what? Cherie says: Harry Potter. In Spanish. Quick, ask if my mom speaks Spanish! Boris says: does your mom speak Spanish? Cherie says: NO! (Well, there goes that Noris Borealis kid, bugging the crap out of me again. Hmm, I think I might have some snow to shovel. Click! *AIM closes*) ChessMen15: hey Mandy! Buffy4386 signed off at 9:42:00 PM. sushi1323: yo Boris... I don't care now... I am just going to bomb your house... Auto response from DanTheMan1010101: Sex'n up Jessie...:-D (this gives a new meaning to the term “public display of affection”) DanTheMan1010101: need pants (well, yeah, after what you were doing in that last one…) icetune02: heh ChessMen15: what? icetune02: nothing ChessMen15: I see icetune02: good (Dr. Chen explains how things work) DontMinChenIt: well.. you have some foreplay... and then the sex (warning: reading the follow entry WILL lower your IQ by no less than 12 points. Proceed at your own risk) ChessMen15: Mandy, why should we sequence the genome of the Chimpanzee instead of another animal? Buffy4386: Because the chimpanzee is closer to a human? ChessMen15: I don't suppose you have any three page papers lying around on that subject...? Buffy4386: Hehe Buffy4386: Sorry ChessMen15: rats Buffy4386: Monkeys! ChessMen15: doves! Buffy4386: Ladybugs! ChessMen15: goats! Buffy4386: Whales! ChessMen15: pigs! Buffy4386: Hawks! ChessMen15: sharks! Buffy4386: Chickens! ChessMen15: Cows! Buffy4386: Horses! ChessMen15: elephants! Buffy4386: Camels! ChessMen15: donkeys! Buffy4386: Sheep! ChessMen15: dogs! Buffy4386: Snakes! ChessMen15: geese! Buffy4386: Buffalo! ChessMen15: moose! Buffy4386: Ducks! ChessMen15: elk! Buffy4386: Sea cucumbers! ChessMen15: urchins! Buffy4386: Anemones! ChessMen15: lions! Buffy4386: Snails! ChessMen15: tigers! Buffy4386: Bears! ChessMen15: panthers! Buffy4386: Jaguars! ChessMen15: cheetahs! Buffy4386: Wildebeast! ChessMen15: boars! Buffy4386: Antelope! ChessMen15: aardvarks! Buffy4386: Anteaters! ChessMen15: kangaroos! Buffy4386: Centipedes! ChessMen15: dolphins! Buffy4386: Seals! ChessMen15: mice! Buffy4386: Starfish! ChessMen15: sea lions! Buffy4386: Foxes! ChessMen15: hares! Buffy4386: Owls! ChessMen15: turtles! Buffy4386: Bats! ChessMen15: mosquitoes! Buffy4386: Manatees! ChessMen15: killer bees! Buffy4386: Killer ants! ChessMen15: ostriches! Buffy4386: Emus! ChessMen15: flamingos! Buffy4386: Swans! ChessMen15: penguins! Buffy4386: Flies! ChessMen15: polar bears! Buffy4386: Donkeys! ChessMen15: deer! Buffy4386: Frogs! ChessMen15: toads! Buffy4386: Katydids! [here I point out to Mandy that her recent saying of “donkeys” was a repeat, as I had said it much earlier] Buffy4386: :-P ChessMen15: gotcha :-) ChessMen15: I win Buffy4386: Nahah ChessMen15: okay, I so did not start that (Kenny is such a sweet guy. Really. He left Lisa the cutest message in her guestbook; it was so romantic and touching that I couldn’t help but put it in this blog) Hey Lisa!!! Wut up dawg. I'm gonna miss u next year :-( ur like goin away man and i'm stuck here with all these lame-o's (haha jk jk :P ). I like cheeze. snobuny4ever: BORIS..... [away message] snobuny4ever: BORISS>>>>>>>>>> snobuny4ever: boris..... snobuny4ever: boris! snobuny4ever: come on now! snobuny4ever: please! snobuny4ever: I need to know things about this group project thingie! snobuny4ever: BORIS! snobuny4ever: DAMMIT BORIS snobuny4ever: GET YOUR ASS ON snobuny4ever: ok... snobuny4ever: *sigh* snobuny4ever: ill just figure it out myself (Ming’s phone line has been busy all night) (I bet a lot of the world’s problems would be solved if I spent more time online and was there for the people who need me) (this was, I think, the scariest thing that has ever happened to me on AIM) ChessMen15: hey Steven! [very long pause] icetune02: Steven isn't here right now. icetune02 signed off at 6:09:44 PM. (Lila’s poetry is the best) you eat it with a fork it's also known as pork so when in a bad mood get yo'self some piggy food (more poetry, compliments of Lila) math is very scarey it makes me very warey and if it makes you merry your name should not be larry. and it's not. it's boris. so you're in luck. Buffy4386: That's not why! ChessMen15: oh really! ChessMen15: please enlighten me, then Buffy4386: I don't know why, but that's not it. NerdamI2k: you can always graph it bors NerdamI2k: bors NerdamI2k: lol (kill me now) NerdamI2k: Mahler was a wild and crazy guy NerdamI2k: and I'm a sleepy one who wishes to start reading into the cthulhu mythos some more NerdamI2k: good night (my threshold for Roger toleration is being dangerously stretched) (it’s a sad world when people have to make their away messages politically correct for fear of offending others) Auto response from BadHair17: I'll tell you what I'm not doing.... talking to you! Sorry :-( Note: This is not mean. I'm simply saying that currently, I am not talking to you. The frowning face shows that I'm sad that I'm not talking to you. Don't be offended. (goodness, people, if you’re gonna make typos, can you at least get people’s names right?!) Buffy4386: I'll talk to you later, Bori. (Mandy is a pro when it comes to ingeniously inserting invisible insults) Buffy4386: I was kind of picky. Not as picky as you, because I'm not silly, but it was good. (sometimes you can even tell online if someone has been hitting their marijuana supply a little hard lately) DanTheMan1010101: howdy bo-bo ChessMen15: hiya DanTheMan1010101: bo bo bo...ris ris ris... DanTheMan1010101: when you leavin'? DanTheMan1010101: 8 tirdy? DanTheMan1010101: i just wanna know how early i should go DanTheMan1010101: *smack smack* DanTheMan1010101: wake up dweeby ChessMen15: sorry, mom came here to bug me ChessMen15: well, we have to load at 8:45 ChessMen15: I'm driving up, so I'll probably leave about 8:25 or so DanTheMan1010101: alrighty DanTheMan1010101: see ya there dude monkey ChessMen15: yup! ChessMen15: bye Dan DanTheMan1010101: lata NerdamI2k: hi boris [away message] NerdamI2k: you need a better away message than that, I mean it's not even very witty NerdamI2k: it tries too hard NerdamI2k: not to make a pun (“tries too hard not to make a pun”—now there’s something I’ll be pondering the meaning of for a while) NerdamI2k: I un blast you (apparently I missed the blasting) Buffy4386: Wow, I leaned away from the computer and the text on our window looked like it was 3-D, weird. Man, those mushrooms sure do the funniest things.... (Mandy seems like such a nice, sweet girl, but at times she can really whip out the nasty sarcasm) Buffy4386: Aww, thanks Boris Buffy4386: I'm touched. ChessMen15: I mean it :-) Buffy4386: :-) Buffy4386: I'm gonna start tearing up pretty soon sushi1323: I want a shotgun! sushi1323: Spider Solitaire is the foundation of socity. BadHair17: Cool, thanks Borid (Andy…shame on you) sushi1323: Can I call you Frimphy?? (No.) (hidden within this seemingly innocuous invitation to hang out is a really, really mean implication. See if you can find it) fly197: are you going to hang out with me? since all my friends will be gone (more unfortunate typos) fly197: really? I doub tit (thank you once again, Einstein) sushi1323: omg... you can not make a noose out of floss... it just doesn't work ChessMen15: hey Ming! ChessMen15: aw, drat, you don't seem to be there ChessMen15: well, when you get a chance, could you message me our third good reason for sequencing the chimp? ChessMen15: reason #1, we're similar ChessMen15: reason #2, new approach to solving disease ChessMen15: reason #3...? ChessMen15: I looked through my essay and Julie's essay but could find nothing swallow2585: MAYBE 3RD¡£¡£¡£¡£ ChessMen15: ? swallow2585: THEY ARE ON THE HIGH PRIORITY LIST ChessMen15: Ming?! Why are you screaming? swallow2585: I AM NOT swallow2585: MY COMPUTER WON£»T LET ME TYPE IN LOWER CASE swallow2585: THERE IS SOMETHING WIHT THE SHIFT KEY ChessMen15: lol swallow2585: THAT IS WROND swallow2585: WRONG ChessMen15: Ming, that's hilarious! swallow2585: NO IT IS NO swallow2585: T swallow2585: AND MY MOUSE DOESN¡®T ORK swallow2585: WORK swallow2585: ARGHHH ChessMen15: your punctuation makes funny symbols ChessMen15: like upside down exclamation marks swallow2585: I KNOW swallow2585: NOT MY FAULT ChessMen15: yeesh, sorry ChessMen15: no need to yell ChessMen15: :-D swallow2585: I AM NOT YELLING ChessMen15: sorry, couldn't resist swallow2585: CAN¡¯T HELP IT (perfectly normal conversation, and then…Julie loses it completely. I dunno, she does that sometimes) ChessMen15: shoot, I know you told me this already, but where are you going? snobuny4ever: skiing snobuny4ever: in Colorado ChessMen15: the whole week? snobuny4ever: yup ChessMen15: nice! snobuny4ever: I come home LATE Friday night....and I think I might go to IU Saturday and Sunday snobuny4ever: if I can get it together in a DAY SHIITTT snobuny4ever: I didn’t think about that snobuny4ever: FUCK ChessMen15: ? ChessMen15: I'm afraid I lost your train of thought snobuny4ever: to visit a friend ChessMen15: ah snobuny4ever: shit shit shit shit snobuny4ever: hmmm NerdamI2k: boris you are quite odd (I thought the irony of Roger saying this was quite amusing) (hello! Hello!!!!! HEY!!!!!! LISTEN TO ME! Oh, there you are. Bye) NerdamI2k: hi boris NerdamI2k: hi boris ChessMen15: hiya NerdamI2k signed off at 1:06:55 PM. NerdamI2k: boris I hate the fact that you are never on (you must realize the irony of this being said online) sushi1323: I really really think you should get a green suit, it would match your hair. (note: for those of you who don’t know me, I do not, for the record, have green hair, nor did I ever, to my best recollection) BadHair17: Good night Borig (arg…Andy…again!) Buffy4386: I don't think you're god, sorry Boris. (well, I guess now we know where Mandy stands on that issue) fro2point0: I'm a player fro2point0: do you do drugs Boris? (you must realize the irony of this being said by Jeff) Buffy4386: Hey, Borid. (sometimes I wonder if it isn’t all a giant conspiracy and people make these “typos” on purpose just to piss me off) sushi1323: You're an over-achiever! (the random visitors among you will wonder what’s so funny about this one. Those of you who know me, however, have probably already cracked your skulls open from laughing so hard you fell out of your chairs headfirst onto the floor) fro2point0: yup fro2point0: arg fro2point0: what just happened? ChessMen15: nothing fro2point0: oh, wait, never mind fro2point0: I know fro2point0: damnit fro2point0: ok, no biggie fro2point0: this can all be fixed fro2point0: and.... fro2point0: there we go fro2point0: ok, I'm good to go ChessMen15: okay fro2point0: damn you darkzero fro2point0: so, what's new? (this kid can be really hard to follow at times) (gotta love Dan’s away messages) DanTheMan1010101: Have you ever had a 30-second fart in the shower and then laughed for 5 minutes straight because of the incredible echo? Lemmie tell ya, it's pretty awes...I mean...yeah, me neither... (Sarah is a true friend. One time I forgot to write down the math homework. By the time I sat down to do it and figured out that I didn’t know what it was, it was too late to call anybody. In a last-ditch effort, I put on an overnight away message explaining my predicament, hoping that somebody would see it and leave me a message with the numbers of the problems we had due, so that I could do the homework in the morning. When I checked my computer early the next day, I was extremely relieved to see that Sarah had IM-ed me at some point and bailed me out. Here’s what she said:) S10penguin: hey [long, tortuous away message describing my predicament and desperately pleading for help] S10penguin signed off at 6:11:03 AM. (yep, that’s Sarah—always ready and willing to help out a friend in need!) Auto response from slila22: ass sittage happening here. Call if you want to amuse or inform me. (sorry, I just really like the word “sittage,” especially when used in conjunction with the word “ass”) fly197: talk about the tiny clothespin (yes, that was another inside joke. Never mind) DontMinChenIt: you have an uncle?!?!??!?!! [away message] DontMinChenIt: I thought you were an orphan... (I was very disturbed one day when I came to the computer to check my messages and saw the following:) slila22: I want your dick [away message] slila22: now slila22 signed off at 4:48:13 PM. slila22 signed on at 4:48:20 PM. slila22: that was marina. slila22: she's the one who wants your dick slila22: b/c you want to see her work at the mirage (my advice to you: if Marina is ever at your house, disable AIM and shut your computer off immediately. Otherwise, she will surely send an IM to me from your name and the next thing you know, I’ll be thinking that you’re madly in love with me) (Lila’s reserves of infinite wisdom are still going strong) slila22: yep. That's how I always do everything. Sorry to disappoint ChessMen15: rats slila22: rats backwards is star BadHair17 signed off at 8:50:10 AM. BadHair17 signed off at 11:25:25 PM. (I just thought that was weird because I saw him sign off twice without ever signing on in the middle. AIM does strange things, huh?) (Sasha the philosopher poses questions that delve deep into the true meaning of life) sushi1323: okay, I have a ?, why do you write "heh" instead of "hehe"?? It seems like you are being cut off. Auto response from JaOzSaH55: say "uckfuh" 11 times fast... (I actually did this. It’s quite amazing what happens. Try it out) ChessMen15: good luck! Auto response from GreenKnightF3: [blah blah blah] Auto response from ChessMen15: [blah blah blah] (the cool thing here is that Matt’s away message was so slow in coming up that I had enough time to send him an IM and then put up an away message of my own!! And then his away message popping up triggered my away message! Isn’t that sweet?!) fly197: bor, you always have such encouraging fruity messages, give up (well, excuuuuse me for being a nice person!) (yeah, Jeff’s a good friend. He’ll boost you up when you’re down. Sure) fro2point0: but then, it happens to the best of us ChessMen15: or, in my case, the worst of us fro2point0: no, well yea (we end with another classic) sushi1323: Are you doing senior project? ChessMen15: nope sushi1323: Why not? ChessMen15: too much red tape ChessMen15: not worth the effort sushi1323: ah [very long pause] sushi1323: (what is red tape?) ChessMen15: I knew it!! ChessMen15: I knew you didn't know what that meant!! :-D :-D :-D sushi1323: I was thinking really hard. sushi1323: but then I gave up! [another pause] sushi1323: (so, what does it mean?) At last, you made it through the whole thing! Congratulations! I didn’t think you’d do it, to be honest with you. I figured most people would quit long before they reached the end. And yet, here you are. Beaten, battered, and significantly stupider than when you first started, you now find yourself at the end of the third installment of Online Wisdom. I appreciate the heroic effort you must have put forth to make it through this blog entry, and I also don’t want you to never come back to this blog again and hate it forever, so I will offer you a token of my gratitude. That’s right—I’m actually giving a prize to the people who read all the way through this godforsaken entry. I’m counting on you to keep this prize a secret so that only those people who deserve it get it! Okay, here’s how to claim your prize: using the link at the top of my blog, send me an email with the code phrase, “Joe’s spit valve leaked an excessive amount of walrus snot onto my Indian rug.” (You can paste the code right out of here if you want, but believe me, it’s a lot more fun to type.) That can be the whole email if you so desire. Heck, you can even put it in the subject and just leave the email blank, and the next time I see you, I’ll give you a little candy bar or something! Like one of those little bite-size Musketeer bars, or perhaps a single sour Starburst. Isn’t that a great prize? If you think this is a lame prize, don’t claim it. I just thought I’d make the offer. Oh, and if you live in Texas or Utah or something else equally far away from my little Bexley, sorry, but the whole prize thing might be a little hard to arrange, though if I ever do see you again, just remind me that I owe you a bite-size candy and I’ll be sure to try to get you one somehow. In any case, I hope you enjoyed this edition of the online wisdom of your fellow human beings! Odd4.txt has already been made and it’s even got a few things in it already; let’s just hope I remember to make an entry out of it before it swells to a monstrous size like odd3.txt did. I’ll see you next time! .: posted by Boris 7:14 PM
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