My Musings

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Thursday, February 06, 2003

Senility

Here’s a surefire sign you’ve gone completely senile despite the fact that you’re still only 17 years old:

It’s 8:30 in the evening and you have to wake up at 6 the following morning so that you can make it to the school by 7 and practice with your sax quartet, so you decide to go to sleep a little early. But you’ve got an AP Euro test in two days, so you decide to reread a bit of the textbook first because you never take any notes and thus you have to read everything twice. You go to the dining room, which is where your backpack is, to get the textbook. But then you decide that you might as well eat your supper now, because you don’t like brushing your teeth immediately after eating, so you might as well get supper out of the way. You grab a can of yogurt from the fridge and a spoon, and eat it. The yogurt, not the spoon. Anyways, you then go to your room and stand there for a second, wondering what the heck you’re doing, until you remember that you wanted to read the European History textbook. You look around the room and don’t see it. Confused, you go to the family room, which is between your room and the kitchen, but don’t see it there, either. Where did I leave that textbook?! you think to yourself. Surely I didn’t leave it in the kitchen! Well, perhaps I did, you wonder. So you go to the kitchen, but the textbook isn’t there. Now you’re getting annoyed, because you were just holding it in your hands. Hmph! Perhaps I left it in my room, you think. So you retrace your steps back to your room, where you conduct a thorough investigation of your bed, the floor, and basically any surface where you could have set the book down in a temporary brain lapse, which turns up a lot of stuff but not the textbook. Huh! You walk into the hall and stop a moment to think. Your mom, who is on the computer, has heard you walking about like a confused cow for the past five minutes and is beginning to get antsy.

“Boris, do you want to get on the computer or something?!” she yells.

“No,” you yell back. “I’m just trying to find my history book. I had it out, and now I don’t know what I did with it.”

You head once more into the family room and resume your frantic searching. A thorough investigation of the couch, the table, and the floor reveals that the book is most definitely not there. WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WITH THE DAMN THING! you fume. Surely I didn’t leave it in the kitchen somewhere while I was getting the yogurt?! That can’t be. Well, you go into the kitchen anyway. No, the book isn’t there. Where the did you put it? The only rooms you were in were the kitchen, the family room, and your bedroo—

At this point you realize that you never actually took the book out of your backpack.

Ha, what an idiot you are! You stopped in the kitchen to eat your yogurt before you ever actually took the book! And then you looked frantically for the book you thought you had misplaced when in fact you hadn’t even touched it yet! Yep, you’ve grown senile. After coming to this conclusion, you heave a tired sigh and go over to the dining room, where you open up your backpack and find, to your dumbfounded astonishment, that the book is not in it!!!

Just kidding. It is. You’re senile.

.: posted by Boris 5:27 PM

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