My Musings

PS-Ashley Rocks!

Friday, February 28, 2003

Loose Ends

There is that magical time of every year, when the kids get together and play in the streets, and the old couples stroll romantically down country lanes, and everything is gay and happy and Boris has absolutely no idea what the hell to write in his blog.

So, I’ve decided to tie up some—as you can tell by the title—dusty shoelaces. Yep, they’re dusty. … Okay, they’re tied up now. Which means I can move on to the other thing I wanted to tie up: loose ends. My blog has a lot of those. Some topics, by their very nature, cannot be written about all at once, so multiple blog entries are needed to cover them. Sadly, I appear to have the long-term attention span of an incompetent dentist (don’t ask; I have no idea how that analogy makes any sense, either, but trust me, it’s negative). Thus, many things get started without necessarily getting ended. That is, finished. In this entry I would like to finish up all these things, or at least try to, in spite of the fact that most of you probably don’t really care. Like I said, I’m REALLY out of ideas.

A Dead Squirrel : in the intervening time since I wrote this entry, I have seen many dead squirrels, whether while walking or while driving, and I now understand that, frankly, dead squirrels aren’t really that uncommon or, for that matter, worth writing about, which is why I’m going to stop right now.

My Latest Obsession : it was a very, very unfortunate stroke of bad luck that I happened to be in a writing mood during the otherwise mercifully brief period of time during which I was obsessed with Tom Swifties. I am glad to say that I am no longer obsessed with them anymore, though the donkey I mentioned in that entry has sparked a very interesting email exchange with Cherie.

Why I Hate It When My Pencil Lead Breaks…and so on and so forth: here I urged my readers to check out two blogs made by Michelle, neither of which exist anymore because Michelle’s computer had one too many martinis one night and things just got worse from there. She has, however, after vowing to never ever make another blog ever again as long as she lives, made another blog, the link to which is in my profile. Er, links section. Whew, I am OFF tonight.

Hit the Links! : aside from “Ashley’s blog” and “Golf,” none of the links I put in my original links section are still there. Flipside and The Lemonade Game were taken off because they were dumb, and Michelle’s two blogs were removed because she lost access to them.

Hit the Links! (Again) : this short entry talked about how I put up a link to www.homestarrunner.com, a really cool site. The site is still there, but the link isn’t. Now, I don’t exactly remember taking this link off, but it’s definitely not there anymore, which leads me to believe that a higher power or at least a competent hacker somewhere doesn’t want this link to exist, so I’m not going to defy nature. Or whatever. That is, I’m pitifully lazy.

Andy Vs. Roger: The Showdown : this whole series of entries was about…okay, I’m not going to get into it here, but basically, as far as I can tell, the showdown was never really resolved, and when I stopped writing about it, nobody seemed to mind. However, for the sake of completeness I will resolve the showdown right here: the winner of the showdown was…*drumroll*…Ashley! If anybody disagrees with this decision, talk to me personally, please—we can’t waste class time talking about individual problems.

What’s a Saxophone? : this entry was the result of my effort to come up with a good superlative for the saxophone. It was prompted by a conversation I had with Ashley wherein we decided that trumpets were the Greatest but hit a snag on saxophones when Ashley flatly rejected my assertion that they were the Coolest. Adam won the distinction of being the first person ever to send me an email with regards to my blog by sending me a list of musical instruments and their corresponding adjectives, which I would have posted if he had bugged me about it, but he didn’t, and I decided not to follow up on the entry because after talking to people I quickly discovered that—surprise!—everybody thinks that the instrument THEY happen to play is the Coolest. Okay, yes, I’m guilty of this as well. But while I’ll go with basses and trumpets as being cool, when people start saying that flutes and violins are the Coolest, that’s when I realize there’s too much bias out there to really come up with any good conclusions. And nobody ever DID come up with a good alternative to Coolest for the saxophone, which is all I really wanted in the first place.

Margins : this entry and the one following it contain an amusing mistake that I’m surprised nobody ever caught. I talk about how I don’t like the extreme skinniness of the blog, a problem that I try to solve by putting in “fatter margins.” However, what I’m actually doing is making the blog fatter, an act that is accomplished by increasing the table width and decreasing the margins, thus making them skinnier, not fatter.

My Poofy Coat : at one point in here I talked about the “stuffy and scraggly” gloves that I wear with my coat. However, since then I have lost one of these gloves, possibly in Dan’s minivan on the way back from a chess tournament, so I replaced them with leather ones, which I probably would have done anyway because leather gloves don’t slip and therefore can be used for driving. One time I wore these gloves when Julie took me, Marina, and Aron to Subway for lunch, and everybody laughed at me and said that they were “gangster gloves.” Sigh. When it comes to clothing, I simply cannot win. Why can’t we all just go around naked?

Dan’s Sad Story : sad story, indeed. I begged and pleaded everybody to sign Chris’s guestbook, and for what? The guestbook isn’t even there anymore! But I guess the good part of it is that Dan has a girlfriend now, so it’s okay that he never got laid with that hot college chick, because then there’s a good chance that he would have gotten herpes or something and that would have created some major problems. Perhaps that blasted class ring was a good thing after all…

This Blog Entry Is Really Really Short, I Swear! : I made a vow here that all future blog entries would fit within a page. Then I almost immediately broke it. The reason this is a loose end is because I never actually came right out and SAID that I broke it. I recall making a compromise of some sort, but no—I’ve definitely broken this vow. The two people (Andy and Steven) whom the vow was meant to appease were not appeased, and everybody else was actually rather annoyed, so from now on the entries will be as long or as short as they need to be, and that’s that. Sorry if I sound snappy here, but it bugs me when people (Andy and Steven) badmouth my blog without ever, ahem, technically speaking, reading it.

Smileys: wow…what a weird entry. Anyway, the point I wanted to make about this one is that shortly after I wrote it Mandy took those dang annoying fish and whatnot smileys off and replaced them with the good ol’ original smiley set. Thanks, Mandy!

Nationals, Part One: The Plane Ride : anybody notice how I said I would continue the story, but never did? Yeah. It really was a good story, but somehow I couldn’t write it into a good blog entry. If at first you don’t succeed, quit—that’s the motto that has made me the man I am today. “Boris, when are you going to write a second entry about the chess tournament?” This is a comment that I have never heard, so I take it none of you minded that I kind of dropped the subject and moved on to other things. Also, my biology book is still lost.

The New Phone: I’m sure you’re all just dying to know how this story ended up. My dad eventually took the phone away because—as became quickly clear—it didn’t work. For a while we didn’t have a phone in here at all, which was very irritating, but then my dad brought back the old phone and put it in its old place. Hooray!

Counting and Moving: yeah, I know, it’s kind of dumb/sad that there’s a loose end in this one seeing as how I wrote it less than a week ago. In any case, the error message I was getting went away the very day after I posted the entry, but I still finished copying everything to the diary. Eventually I will begin to pluck old entries off of this main page; if, for some reason, you are strongly against this, email me and tell me! Believe it or not, you can have an impact on what happens in this blog. Granted, what happens in this blog isn’t really that big of a deal, and you probably won’t get any girls by bragging that you influenced a guy named Boris’s formatting decisions, but if you want things to be a certain way in here then email me and I’ll seriously consider it. On a side note, “Counting and Moving” was my exact 40th blog entry! Ten more and I get to the big five-zero! Well, if you want to get technical about it, only nine more now…

That’s all I could find. If you think I missed something, i.e. there’s a glaring lack of a conclusion to an open-ended entry, or something changed and thereby made an entry obsolete but I didn’t catch it, email me the untied loose end and I’ll be sure to include it in a future post. Oh, and one more thing—how about “the Loneliest” for the sax? Saxes are never mixed into other instruments’ ensembles, they don’t really fit into anything except jazz band, and all the other instruments look down on them. They’re the outcasts of the band and orchestra. They’re ostracized. Loneliest! How about it, guys?

.: posted by Boris 4:58 PM

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