My Musings

PS-Ashley Rocks!

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Online Wisdom: Part 2

For those of you who haven’t read the first Online Wisdom entry, a short explanation is in order. I keep a text file on my desktop into which I deposit all the dumb and funny stuff people say to me online. When the text file gets big, I make an entry out of it. The first such entry was fairly popular so I decided to make another one. I know there are those of you out there who, as Cherie eloquently put it, think that “copied IM conversations…fall under the category of things that are only really funny to the people participating at the time.” But give this entry a chance! A few good ones are lying around in here.

And for those of you who have read the first Online Wisdom, I should probably say that I’ve changed some things. For one thing my comments, while still in parentheses, can now be found before or after the snippet they refer to, depending on where I thought they fit best. Also, if you see “(…)” in the middle of a line it means I deleted irrelevant parts of the IM in order to make the joke more clear, or maybe just to completely change the context and blatantly pervert what was said. A “[…]” means that entire lines have been deleted so as not to get in the way of the good stuff. Aside from the cutting job I’ve done here and there, the only changes I’ve made were to fix some of the typos that invariably pop up online. Otherwise you have my word that everything in here was actually said and is presented accurately. All right, that’s all I have to say. Now let’s see what you had to say…

swallow2585: you are the root of all problems
(gee, thanks)

(don’t you hate it when instead of making a plain old typo you make one that changes the meaning of your sentence into something dumb, like this?)
Blue Fly 2003 (9:52:45 PM): sorta, I went to the rock-a-thong for choir

(or this?)
BadHair17: I know, me woo

Vorlon says: marina is a chinese philosopher

(it’s good to know that sexism is an evil no longer present in our society)
swallow2585: girls are ten times better than guys

Buffy4386: Okay, I'm being called away to the realtoes.
(as opposed to the faketoes?)

Chessmen15: make a frozen pizza
icetune02: That goes against all my ethics

icetune02: BORIS!!!
icetune02: I have no olive oil
(Oh no! Somebody call 911!)

(I have officially hit rock bottom as far as my laziness goes)
BadHair17: Hey Boris
Chessmen15: hey Andy!
BadHair17: How's it going?
Chessmen15: pretty good
Chessmen15: how are you?
BadHair17: I'm alright, how about you?
Chessmen15: see above

(some people really do talk online just like they do in real life)
slila22: that's beautious.

(not sure if this is a typo or if Steven is just really dumb)
icetune02: are team amassed 14 penalties

swallow~ming says: but fridays, you have your yuker club thinsg
(yuker? Oh brother)

(I swear to god I didn’t tamper with this, and I don’t think she was kidding)
swallow~ming says: and bsides i allways type badly on teh interent

Buffy4386: Ahh. I'm NOT IMing you.

(wisdom from Lila)
slila22: middle school is soooo useless; they should just put everybody on a chain gang and have them clean up the highway. Much more useful

slila22: I think she's a good teacher aside from the sexual harassment and the blackmail and the death room.

Buffy4386: MAN!! I want a good picture of my flipping cocci!!

(Julie always seems to be unsatisfied with the way I greet her)
Chessmen15: hello!
Snobuny4ever: hi
Snobuny4ever: a little too cheery...but ok

(more wisdom from Lila)
slila22: it's good
Chessmen15: I suppose
slila22: what do you suppose?
Chessmen15: I suppose you're right
slila22: I'm always right. There's no need for supposition
slila22: you can't make an ocean out of a bathtub, no matter how long it has sat there

(MAJOR INSIDE JOKE)
Chessmen15: I don't think he does drugs or beats his wife or anything
slila22: nor the turtle in his front yard?

(this is the subject of an email I got, I dunno why I put it in the text file)
Stop Harassing Phone Calls

(conversations like this sadden me)
icetune02: hey
Chessmen15: hiya
icetune02: night
Chessmen15: night
icetune02 signed off at 10:16:50 PM.

(it takes real courage to admit stuff like this)
slila22: my brain is not involved when I talk

Energetic56: boris rocks!
(this is quite possibly the only time in the history of mankind that Ashley used the word “rocks” and somebody’s name in the same sentence and that name wasn’t “Ashley”)

(just because most of you guys don’t know Min doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have the pleasure of reading some of the stuff that periodically makes it into his profile)
I think there is more wisdom in a single drop of rain than there is in all the books in all the libraries of the world. Wait, not rain. Super-concentrated brain juice.

(what can I say, I’m a sucker for praise)
Buffy4386: Whatcha doing?
Chessmen15: updating my blog
Chessmen15: this is looking to be another long one
Buffy4386: YAY!!!!!
Buffy4386: YAY!!!!
Chessmen15: hehe
Chessmen15: I'm glad that updates to my blog bring such happy cheers from my audience :-)
Buffy4386: I LOVE it when there's a new blog entry.

(don’t you hate it when your caps lock is down and you don’t know it?)
Buffy4386: wHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE PLAY?

(here’s a Roger joke I didn’t understand)
nerdami2k: of course Czar Gudanov

(I guess this is what passes for a compliment from Lila)
slila22: nice job w/bullshitting

(Dan, be thankful that you have people like Marina to defend you from the wrath of my blog entries)
fly197: Boris, I must comment, would YOU, Boarass, the biggest chickenshit alive, REALLY get up and chase after the girl? Not a chance in hell! So give up!

(I don’t know how funny this is but I had to put it in here just to show that there are people out there besides myself who find the AIM character limit annoying)
Swimming, and tomorrow there is a chess tournament, and for those of you who want to come and cheer on the Bexley chess team as they compete (which will only be three people as far as I know) it is at Whetstone High School on Henderson Rd. just east of Rt. 315. The first round I think is at 10:00, but I don't know when it ends. If you show up and nobody's there, you're either at the wrong place, it's already over, or my information is wrong. In any case, don't come. It'll be very boring. So boring that I don't like going just to watch, and I play chess, so think about how you'd feel! Well that's all for now, and I'm sure I'm over the character limit for this thing (WHICH IS WAY TOO SHORT). Talk to you later. Bye! [I capitalized, emboldened, underlined, and italicized a certain section there to prove my point, but it wasn’t originally that way in Andy’s profile]

(another Roger joke)
Chessmen15: I see
nerdami2k: good I thought you'd taken off your glasses

snobuny4ever: (…) boys’ penises are yucky
[long, awkward, painful pause during which I desperately try to think of something to say]
snobuny4ever: hahah! You don’t know what to say to that!
snobuny4ever: jajaja

(more Roger-ness)
Chessmen15: ahhh
Chessmen15: gotcha
nerdami2k: what?!
nerdami2k: speak up
nerdami2k: my vision ain't what it used to be

(more blatant self-praise)
Buffy4386: I need a new blog entry!!! I'm going into withdrawal!
Chessmen15: but...but...the last one was just Thursday!
Buffy4386: I know... :-(
Buffy4386: So long. *sigh*
Buffy4386: ago

Buffy4386: brb (…)
Chessmen15: ok
Buffy4386: backaddydackady

Buffy4386: Okleedoklee
Buffy4386: Remind me NEVER to say that again
(Mandy, don’t EVER say that again)

(I have to really watch myself or else every single thing in this blog entry would be from Roger)
nerdami2k: righto
nerdami2k: pip pip then

(Marina’s attempts to hook me up with girls)
fly197: call her, invite her with us, call back in a few, say marina's not coming, is that ok
Chessmen15: *groan*
fly197: she'll say 'of course, this way we can molest each other '
fly197: and it'll be good
fly197: stop *groaning*
fly197: before I *smack* you

Buffy4386: BORIS!!!!
Chessmen15: Mandy!
Buffy4386: I saw you type!
Chessmen15: I saw you type, too!!
[…]
Buffy4386: :-D
[…]
Buffy4386: YAY!!!
Chessmen15: hehe
(only the true AIM freaks out there will get this one)

(good old Roger)
nerdami2k: Boris why are you not here now?
Auto response from Chessmen15: I'm spending a wild and crazy night out with two girls!!
That is, Marina and Lila and I are seeing Frida. Is it a good movie? A bad one? If you care, ask me afterwards and I'll be sure to tell you.
nerdami2k: dude never say that first sentence again
nerdami2k: by the way, where's my car

Energetic56: boris finally got some girls
Energetic56: bout time boris, bout time
Chessmen15: lol
Chessmen15: I'm glad you approve, Ashley
Energetic56: very much so
Energetic56: hop on that horse buddy
(I really don’t know what she meant by that last remark and frankly it worries me a little)

(yet more Roger)
Chessmen15: have a happy thanksgiving day!
nerdami2k: have an nice red
nerdami2k: you
nerdami2k: TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO[the O's continue here and are followed by a string of exclamation marks so long that when I tried to put it all in just as Roger said it the margins of my whole blog were stretched to outrageous proportions]
nerdami2k: that was pointless
Chessmen15: it really was

Chessmen15: nifty, eh?
Buffy4386: Nifty difty

(all right guys, enough of me making comments and pasting stuff. Let’s make this blog interactive. Let’s play a game. You ready? All right! Your object is: read the following conversation and try to locate the completely irrelevant and off-topic comment that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with what we’re talking about)
Buffy4386: My family is bonding over X-Box.
Chessmen15: lol
Chessmen15: cool thing, the x-box is
Chessmen15: too bad I suck horribly at all of its games
Buffy4386: Yes, Yoda.
Chessmen15: hee hee
Buffy4386: Ohhh, my goodness. Not nearly compared to me.
Chessmen15: hey, you're really good at Goldeneye
Chessmen15: I think if you put your mind to it you can Halo with the best of them
Buffy4386: But that's N64
Chessmen15: very similar
Buffy4386: I hope to.
Chessmen15: shows you have talent
Buffy4386: I've just gotta get those controls down.
Buffy4386: They freak me out.
Buffy4386: I was like, "What?!! Ahh!"
Chessmen15: yeah, it's confusing
Buffy4386: But I only touched them once.
Chessmen15: at Dan's?
Buffy4386: Actually, your house.
Chessmen15: oh, I remember
Buffy4386: Yeah
Chessmen15: so you've never played it at your house or at Dan's house?!
Buffy4386: Not yet....
Chessmen15: interesting
Buffy4386: No, not so much. Pretty boring, actually.
Chessmen15: I think it's interesting how you have an x-box at your house but you've never played it
Chessmen15: I certainly would!
Buffy4386: It's not AT my house, it's only occasionally at my house.
Buffy4386: Since it's my brother's, and he lives somewhere else.
Chessmen15: he moves it around?
Buffy4386: I'm as round as a fat ripe red berry.
Buffy4386: Yeah, he sometimes brings it over here.
Chessmen15: ohh, I see
Buffy4386: To socialize with
Chessmen15: that's not very cool of him
Buffy4386: You think he should leave it over here forever?
Chessmen15: of course
Buffy4386: :-)
Buffy4386: Of course

(well, I admit it—I love praise for my away messages)
EaTuMbLeR: I like your away messages
Auto response from Chessmen15: I'm not here, but you are, which is too bad, because I'm not, and if I was, I would talk to you, but I'm not, so I can't :-(
EaTuMbLeR: I am going to copy this one
EaTuMbLeR: :-D

Energetic56: aww Boris
Auto response from Chessmen15: Pep band tonight at 7! See you guys all there!!
Not. Anyways, afterwards I'm going to Marina's house to watch A Beautiful Mind. That is if Julie remembers the DVD...
Energetic56: out with the girls AGAIN
Energetic56: that’s great buddy it really is
(I know, what am I gonna do, I’m just a player at heart)

nerdami2k: I'm psycho
(I’ll go with that)

(Roger acting British)
nerdami2k: boris old cork how goes things?
Auto response from Chessmen15: I'll be gone until about 6 or so at my tennis lesson, and then at 7 euchre club is here!
nerdami2k: tennis is it?
nerdami2k: well

slila22: Boris, you've been playing all day. For your own mental health and stability: stop. Now. Before the evil demons of hell come destroy your brain and all its powers.
(to which I say: what powers?)

(sigh)
nerdami2k: where be boris?
Auto response from Chessmen15: Gone at pep band!
nerdami2k: pep that!

DanTheMan1010101: damn I'm hot
(well, now we all know what Dan thinks of himself)

(more Lila-talk)
slila22: how are you?
Chessmen15: pretty good
Chessmen15: and you?
slila22: just dandified

(obviously Roger has not discovered the beauty of checking people’s away messages by right-clicking on their names in the buddy list)
nerdami2k: boris the almighty and unseen, where is he O great auto reply function?

(you have to realize the humor of this being said online)
Buffy4386: Don't give me that look!

(I thought we were good friends, and then it turns out she can’t even remember what my name is)
Buffy4386: BORI!!!

(“What?! I could have SWORN I selected Andy’s name in the buddy list. What is this crap? And now BORIS is talking to me. Egh. Screw this.”)
S10penguin: hey
Chessmen15: hiya
S10penguin signed off at 8:46:37 PM.

(Fun With Roger)
Chessmen15: well, my math homework beckons and I heed its call
Chessmen15: see ya, Rogerata
nerdami2k: still does not work
Chessmen15: see ya, Orogeratio
nerdami2k: stop it boris
Chessmen15: see ya, Raja
nerdami2k: go do your homework
Chessmen15: see ya, Rogerrrrrrrrrrr
nerdami2k: and DO NOT use that one, Klaiber uses it and I hate him more for it
nerdami2k: raja I mean
Chessmen15: ah
[…]
Chessmen15: see ya, Rogue Warrior
Chessmen15: oh! oh! Here's a good one!
Chessmen15: Rogrim
nerdami2k: you are - - this close to being blocked

(I am too vain for my own good, I swear)
cBearFunk: I can't wait for you to update your blog boris

Toxin1234: I saw two towers
Chessmen15: oh?
Chessmen15: how was it?
Toxin1234: awesome
Toxin1234: if I had a choice between this and hot hot sex
Toxin1234: well I would have the sex
Toxin1234: but this would be a close second

Toxin1234: steal a new biology book

(“God, I swear, that stupid Bori kid messages me every single flipping time I get online. It’s high time I used the block button. … Ahhh, much better.”)
Chessmen15: hey Mandy!
Buffy4386 signed off at 3:18:42 PM.

(EVEN MORE MAJOR INSIDE JOKE)
Chessmen15: we're not going to go to sleep
NeoSandmaker: oh.....
Chessmen15: at least those of us who are man enough aren't going to
Chessmen15: there are always the wusses who crash on the couch
NeoSandmaker: lol em... isn't there gonna be girls there?
Chessmen15: of course
NeoSandmaker: so you can't really say "those of us man enough"
Chessmen15: okay, Min the Feminist
Chessmen15: I see debate camp rubbed off on you :-P
NeoSandmaker: :p

(pretty soon I think Sasha and Roger are gonna be competing for space in my text files)
sushi1323: omg I wish I were an alcoholic

sushi1323: splattah!

(nobody seems to want to talk to me these days)
Chessmen15: hiya
DanTheMan1010101 signed off at 6:40:48 PM.

(geeze, I copied a lot more flattery into here than I thought)
sushi1323: write in your blog
Chessmen15: lol
Chessmen15: sorry, I can't write on command
Chessmen15: that's why my entries are so sparsely separated
sushi1323: lol but I want to read more

sushi1323: Boris... you are my Jesus!
(thanks, but can I be your Moses? I’m Jewish, you know)

Chessmen15: thanks
DanTheMan1010101: np bug butt

(thank you, Einstein)
sushi1323: Blood is wet!

(yes, I suppose Mandy and I need to have a talk sometime with regards to what my name actually is)
Buffy4386: If I were there I'd MAKE you say hi to me, Noris.

(some people are a bit on the slow side)
Chessmen15: but I gotta run, I'm afraid
[…]
sushi1323: afraid of what?
Chessmen15: ...
Chessmen15: I'm afraid I gotta run
sushi1323: ...?
sushi1323: Oh I see
sushi1323: lol

sushi1323: I don't want you to die... yet
(gee, thanks)

(“Noris…Moris…what’s that guy’s name? Why is he stalking me??” *BLOCK*)
Chessmen15: hi Mandy!
Buffy4386 signed off at 8:06:42 PM.

(“AHHH! I blocked him and he still tries to talk to me! Stupid stupid flipping AIM! BLOCK, dammit!”)
Chessmen15: hiya
Buffy4386 signed off at 11:01:40 PM.

(Lila puts her wisdom into her away messages, too, so that we can all benefit from it on the go)
Auto response from slila22: food is necessary

(one of my favorite Ashley’s away messages)
Auto response from Energetic56: You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers and probably don’t have computer viruses, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation.

Well, that’s it for this installment of online hilarity! Can you believe that it was almost 10 pages long? Went by fast, didn’t it? And now I’m off to go make odd3.txt so that perhaps in a few months’ time we will have an Online Wisdom: Part 3. See you then!

.: posted by Boris 7:41 PM

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